12 Days

I haven't blogged in a month. The holidays have been a bit rough for a lot of people but at the end of the day we do what we need to to make our children happy. I spent a good holiday at home with my family, my boy didn't ask for too much but he is ecstatic on what he received. This made me think of all the children in the world, those that get everything, those that get little, and those that receive nothing. It's odd how those that have little or nothing are more grateful and appreciative of what they have, those that can and do have it all appreciate nothing. Sometimes it's better to give your children what is needed and hold back what they want so that they could become better adults. I have always thought that the Christmas holiday was more about love, unity and of course the birth of Christ. It is sad that not many people remember the birth nor the real meaning of Christmas. For Christmas doesn't end on one day but for 12 days does Christmas last, ending only after the three wise men or as some may call the three Kings of the Magi get to baby Jesus, January 6 is the end of Christmas. So if anybody out there did not know what the 12 days of Christmas was that is it, the journey that the king made.

Tragedy ...

I haven't been on haven't been on this blog for a while, I do apologize frankly I haven't been feeling well. I was watching the news today about the shoot in Connecticut,and they said they were going to add new gun laws. Taking away our gun privileges is punishing the rest of the world for a few stupid people. What people should do is give help to people with mental problems before they go out and kill innocent people. If you looked in to the background of all people who have committed crimes I'm sure you will find out that someone out there knew they had a screw lose. Granted I feel extremely bad for all the people who have lost their lives and I pray to God that those families find peace. But if the government takes all of the right to protect results it would be against our human rights, people need to see that it's not the guns that hurt people, it's the people that are hurting people. My heart goes out to those families that lost their children and the families I lost those brave teachers. May God conclude you all.

A Thanksgiving thankful Poem....

Be Thankful for God's love Be Thankful for God's gifts Be Thankful that God gave you a soul, that can find true love Be grateful when you find that love, to hold it tight Never letting go, always being close When that love turns into a family Always know it started with Him it started with God's LOVE... HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Spanking vs Beating and the difference ....

I don't understand parents today! Their children are wild and spoiled and the only reason I can come up with is that parents do not spank there children or punish them when they are being bad. I think that spanking is a good thing for parents to practice, NOT beating because there is a line between the both. I am a firm believer in children being disciplined. There are different ways to discipline children I am not saying that spanking is the only nor the bast way but it is a way. Just as long as the child gets the point of what is right and what is wrong. Beating is completely different and totally WRONG!!! A parent has no right to beat their kid, that mean hitting them to cause them harm resulting in broken bones, fractures, hemorrhaging, concussion, etc. I hope you get what I am saying. A child's bottom has fat just as any other bottom in the world, so if it get spanked it really doesn't hurt that much. What it is with most children is the thought of getting spanked the hurts the most, its completely mental. Of course the child has to deserve it, meaning he needs to be bad to deserve it, if a parent likes hitting his kid for fun then that person DOES NOT deserve to be a parent. So what I don't get is that there are parents whose kid goes nuts at stores or at an office or where ever and they do absolutely NOTHING!! I have heard some parents say 'Oh stop it dear' or 'don't do that' yet the child keeps on doing what he/she is doing. What the heck is that? That child should have the respect to listen to their parent, and the parent should be the adult enough to have taught their child from the beginning. I was spanked once when I was a child, and I learned what was good and what was bad. I didn't and don't get into trouble I completed school and college. I am not saying that others are the same as me but I an just saying if I learned why can't others. So spanking I think is a good thing to do if it is not to an extent like beating. Plus what is that new thing that when people see a kid getting spanked they assume the child is being abused that is total BS, a parent has a right to spank or punish their kid the way they see fit, if another person sees it is not there business to assume. Now if a person sees a kid get punched in the head or face or back or stomach etc then yeah it safe to assume that kid is being abused. But a good spanking on the butt is not bad or wrong sometimes it is needed. One more thing parents STOP cussing at you kids!!! Children are cussing younger and younger its not right. My kid would not dare utter a bad word he knows them but he himself knows they are no good and that they sound bad coming out of a persons mouth. People please let your kids be kids. To other adults pay attention to your own kids and if need be the kids have a butt spank them if not there is other ways of punishment. Sitting still on a corner, copying a dictionary, meditating on what they did, even writing a paper on why what they did was so bad... as long as they know the difference between whats right and wrong. God Bless...

Halloween has come and gone....

It's been while since I have added onto this blog, I do apologize for that. I haven't been doing well, been in a a lot of pain but that is to be expected with my tendon and nerve problems. Today I am well enough to tell you about what we did for Halloween.I have a 9 year old nephew I have raised like a son and he dressed up as Dracula, I have to admit he was a great looking Dracula. He went to school and he said that the younger kids that saw him became frighten. As any little boy he thought this to be the funniest thing ever. So when we got home after school we had an early dinner he got to relax after his homework then I re-did his Dracula Make-up. Like always I Zombied out my face although this year it was more punk zombie mixed with joker mouth, anyways it was kinda creepy-ish. So we started out for trick-o-treating, the funny thing is we get into the car to go to a different neighborhood and my boy has the biggest pillow case he could find plus he had a plastic bag. He saw me kinda chuckle and said "This isn't my first rodeo!!" I busted out laughing. Sometimes this kid is just way too much!! So it was me, my mother and Dracula going out trick-o-treating, my mother drove while me and Dracula were walking around going house to house. When it got dark enough my mother and I switched (she doesn't like driving in the dark) so while I was driving I was watching all the costumes and people walking around. I noticed that all the people trick-o-treating were of ALL ages, not just kids. I starting thinking, maybe that's why a lot of people were offering me candy and asking where my bag was, I just go because I have fun walking and going with my boy. But maybe next year I will also carry a bag, tee hee. I saw adult couples trick-o-treating, in my hometown Santa Paula California THAT was never seen!! I remember as a kid I would walk around with my parents and when I got older I still went around trick-o-treating until I was spotted by someone that recognized me and told me I was too old and they wouldn't give me candy, so I got a little cousin to go with me the next year. I have always loved to dress up for Halloween but I don't like parties. I am a family type of girl. So my point is that New Mexico for Halloween is soooo much cooler, ADULTS also get candy WOOOHOOO!!! I think this should be practiced everywhere, because if an adult can take the time to dress up and get a costume and go out with their kid or alone then people SHOULD give then candy, the rule is as long as they say "trick-o-treat". The original tradition started with adults and just morphed into a child thing. So to end my story we got home and my Dracula had almost the entire pillow case FULL of candy, I couldn't carry it my dad had to get it into the house. I went through the bag of candy and sadly I found about 5 pieces that were very suspicious so I threw them away, still leaving us with a big pile of candy. Probably last us a heck of a long time. I truly hope that everyone everywhere had a great Halloween!!!

Not Fair...

So as people know I used to work for a bank, that's where I unfortunately had gotten hurt. I was working for Bank of the West for 2006 and frankly I was sure I could go up in rank you think that actually happened? NO!! When I first started I was in Los Angeles California and I loved it I knew I would be able to grow in the business. But did it happen .. NO!! I did all I had to do and even more just to prove that I deserved the chance to be more within the bank. I learned things that assistant managers and managers only did. When I first got transferred to Albuquerque I was very excited and glad, thinking that I would be able to grow as a banker. I was sadly mistaken!! I got here and a few months after, everyone else left, which left me and the CSM (Customer service manager) the manager and ME. We were like that for a while before we got more people to work. Which meant I learned more then just CSR work. So lets flash forward to when I got hurt, we had just gotten a new manager, I tried giving him a chance but the man was self absorbed. At first he was alright but then he started saying things about everyone even me. He would make comments about going on diets he actually was planning on putting the whole branch on a diet he was going to the point of asking us all what we were eating. I thought that was bad so I complained did HR do anything NOOOO! Then other stuff happen but we shall skip that and go to the part where he never learned the computer programs. WHY? You ask? Well because he had ME do it every time he had to work on the weekend as only supervisor. I thought ok maybe this will help me get a raise or a better position. To make a story short my right arm and wrist got messed up I told him he LAUGHED! Me in pain he laughs. Then he gets a promotion and me what do I get DISABILITY!! I get tendinitis and carpal tunnel, so now I lost my job because I could keep up with out getting swollen or having permanent pain. So after that I get another manager and she helps me get help for my arm, which I thank you deeply, for with out her I would be worse then I am today. Then the final straw hits when I find out a few months ago that that other manager (the jerk) got another raise. How is that for fair? A person works her a$$ off and all she gets is tendinitis and carpal tunnel. This just taught me one thing... do your own work and don't help others even if they say they will help you get farther in your career, because in short they only think of themselves. Sadly people are selfish and I for one will be more cautious on whom I trust.

My opinion on Twilight movie n book series...

So I got into a discussion with an old friend about the movie and book series Twilight. We were talking about movies and he mentioned he didn't like Twilight, well it got me thinking, I know when people think of vampires they don't think love or sexiness or anything positive. They usually think of blood and death and random human eating animals. But in my opinion Twilight was a real good book and the movies were just as good, although I did expect more from two of the movies but I am hoping that this last one has all the fun stuff that the book had, if not it may not make much sense. So I am hoping that the last installment of Twilight has all the goods. I have to admit this is not much of a guy movie but it sure is a girly movie. The only thing is that in the book it was more vivid then the movie. How can a book be more vivid, well it is, when its well written. If you don't know what Twilight is it a book and movie series about a young woman that moves from Arizona to Washington State to live with her estranged father. She starts going to this school where she meets different type of people especially a small family called the Cullens. Stuff happen bet then she ends up falling in love with Edward Cullen. Her best but whom I think is in love with her doesn't really like her choice in men. Then stuff happens and she finds out Edward is a vampire then later on in the series her best bud Jake is a werewolf as you can see it ends up being a weird kind of love triangle. Maybe its just because I am a girl or I just love the idea of love but I like this series. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone.

Starting a new......

So I am getting a new doctor tomorrow and I am kinda weird-ed out. Not that I am in bad condition but I just don't want him to tell me what the other Doctors said which is 'it takes time' or that I am at maximum rehabilitation. I refuse to be told that I wont get better, I have too. I also don't like going to doctors because when they take one look at me the ASSUME I have all these bad issues when I don't. They don't even bother to check they just say ' Ahh your fat therefore your diabetic and/or have high blood pressure'. Hello!!! Last time a doctor did that I almost died, and they swore it was normal for me to feel all week and sleep all the time without mentioning dizzy and out of sorts, with all the crappy ass meds they gave me. Since then I stand my grown. People I AM FAT but I am NOT SICK!!! Geez you would think a doctor would think a little more then assuming right? They went to school long enough to know that not all bodies are the same. God made us all different for a reason, we would be bored as heck if we were all the same. Don't tell me you don't agree, cuz I know I am right!! Wish me Luck!!!

The elderly....

So my family and I took in my Aunt who soon will turn 80 years old. She has no kids nor family of her own, I don't mind her being with us at all. But it is difficult when she has a different attitude then we do. We are a close knit family we communicate and we do things as a family like eat dinner, play board games, watch movies go places, well you get the point. We are also a loving, caring and affectionate family. She on the other hand is not, granted she is OLD but wow she argues and picks fights with my 9 year old. Not all the time but for no reason or when she is bored. I wonder why elderly people are like this? She is pretty normal sometimes but then she shifts moods. I am just glad that my boy will try not to get bugged by her. At least I tell him to just let it go let her talk and throw her fits. But wow I told her, actually a few minutes ago that she needs to blame me for whatever she wants. She just looked at me and stayed quiet I think that she knows that I will answer her back. haha I know she is old and grumpy and she needs extra love and I have to admit I get frustrated sometimes. I am just glad she is not like that all the time most of the times she is a very good person and helpful as well. But when she is grumpy she is grumpy she kinda reminds me of that lady in the movie Marigold Hotel, If you seen it the grumpy lady in the wheel chair is similar to my aunt. She is just not like that all the time. Anyways I just wanted to get that off my chest and now I am fine thank you all I am off for the night. Don't forget to respect your elders no matter how grumpy or snarly they are.

Children Now a Days......

I was talking to my dad and he was telling me that he was talking to someone that was close to my age and that that person didn't know who John Wayne was. It started me thinking about kids now-a-days and not just kids young adult and even some people that are over 30yrs. I am not saying that they are uneducated, OK well sometimes yea they are but lets not talk about that path. I am talking about classics, why don't these people know where or who the classic actors and musicians are? I have been raising my nephew like he was my own and the I don't let him watch a lot of movies with violence or that a deem unacceptable. Granted I am a bit old school, but one thing I do pride myself in is for him to know where the base of a lot of music or movies come from. For example when he was younger I introduced him to classical music, Beethoven, Mozart, then each generation up. He knows who Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Nat King Cole, Santana, well I think you get the point.My nephew is 9 years old he knows who John Wayne is, Chuck Norris, Vincent Price, even Alfred Hitchcock. So my question to you is why don't parents teach their kids about the classics. People now just think of what is in now but do they know who started the terror in movies or who started the multi-media effects. Be honest do you know? You can ask my boy he knows, Vincent Price was the first to introduce terror, Orson Welles was the first to use the camera on a dolly to move it around and also used shadowing and angling. He was the one who started the who thing because of him we have such great movies now and great directors. I am not saying I know a lot about this stuff but I do know enough and what I know I am telling my boy. I just wish that other parents felt the same as I about teaching their kids about the classics of any subject. Either way I am proud of my boy and what he knows, since he was 5 yrs old he has played chess, he listens to any type of music especially the older and most of the times he loves it and most of all he give classic cinema a chance. I can easily bet that he is more openly cultured then any other 4rth grader there is.

I can't wait....

I was going to write some more about music and what I was thinking today, but I am in so much pain my whole right arm is just killing me. Its been going on for a few day, and right now I can't think of anything but this stupid arm. So forgive me for complaining, all I can think is I can't wait to go see my new doctor, this pain is ridiculous. I'm just glad my left hand and arm are working well so far....

Elvis, King of Rock and Roll

Everyone knows who Elvis Presley is, he is an icon performer better known as the King of Rock 'n' Roll. I am not to say that I am the leading specialist of Elvis but I do know a lot more than any number of people, especially on this particular icon. Elvis died August 16, 1977 approximately 2 weeks before I was born, since I was a child I had always wanted to sing and when I discovered Elvis it just made it seem more my destiny. Many know Elvis as a performer, a ladies man and of course for his issues of medicational drugs. But not any knew him as a person, I am not going to tell you that I knew him because obviously I did not. I know that Elvis sang from his heart and I know that every lyric that came out of his mouth he felt, and that is what made him a great performer. Some say he did not deserve to be admired and to all them I say BOOOOO, no one should be remembered by there mistakes but of what they did that was good for the world. I always felt a connection with Elvis mainly for his music because his music came from his heart, when I sang and had my shows I would always think of Elvis when I practiced. While I was memorizing the song I would imagine myself in the situation where the song lead. When I sang a torch song I would feel it so much so that I would feel my own heart breaking with every word I crooned. That I would do for all my performances, granted that I do not perform anymore I do miss it, and I know if I went back I would do it the same way. Elvis was talented as a young child and that is what set him aside form others. I have gotten into a few debates about Elvis, what no one seems to get is that he was a people person and the older and more famous he got the less he could go out and be normal. So just think about it if you were him wouldn't you be depressed and lonely? At the time of his death he was already divorced from Priscilla which meant Lisa Marie (his daughter and reason for being) were no longer a permanent figure at Graceland or be his side. I figure when he had his heart attack it was already broken and was on its way down. People insist that Elvis was a drug addict this I have to say is wrong he was on medicational drugs that a doctor would proscribe much like Micheal Jackson. He got addicted to these type of medications when he was in the army in 1958 he was giving uppers so he could stay awake and downers so he could sleep. I don't know if it was his superior that gave it to him or not but I know that his problem started then. Plus Elvis was religious he would pray and collect every form of religious cross or symbol, he would say that there was no way he wasn't getting into heaven, he was good at embracing all types of beliefs. I am not saying he was an angel but he was NO drug addict, he was a man that had a huge heart and was trust worthy. I have a lot to say about Elvis and I may not come across to you as subtle or gentle about the subject, but when I hear something that I know to be wrong about Elvis believe it when I speak. I have read so many books on him so many article I have so much information that in my another blog I shall reveal some more.

Love truth or.......

What is love? Does anyone know what it is? I am not talking about love of family or friends, I am talking true love, soul mate love. Does it exist? I truly thought it did! I found my love at least I thought I did, when I was 28/29 years old. I was living in Los Angeles at the time, I thought he was my soul mate but ended up being let's just say not so nice after a while. He still had that thing that every girl wishes for which is a person who could read your mind, know exactly what you want and what you think. He was that to me, until he got mean, I learned a lot from him and I owe him a lot of gratitude for making me stronger. I remember when we first got to know each other it was as if we were old friends. In my mind we were both old souls, I know some of you may think I am crazy but I always felt that in all my past lives we were always meant for each other but something always came between us, kinda like an old fashion tragedy. Yeah this may be a bit dramatic but it is how I felt and I am sure he felt the same. We used to have this thing that we wouldn't say 'I Love You' we would show it by the little things we did. He made me see how just saying love didn't mean what I thought it meant. It means more to show someone by little things, how you feel, the word love is just that a word until it becomes a meaning. He would make me feel so alive and connected to him. Part of me still cares for him and the other half is just eeeehh. I feel that I had my true and first love so now I really don't look for love or for a man. I know now that if I stay single that means nothing it just means I am strong the way I am. Don't get me wrong if I ever run into or find a suitable partner for me I will give him a chance if not I am not gonna die!! The one a call my true love is the one that made me the way I am today, I am strong, independent, not afraid to speak, and most importantly I have my own mind. Granted I had to go through HELL just to get my own courage, sometimes I am a bit too much but that's me so people just has to get used to it. After he had cheated on me,(and lied about it) I decided to change my way of being I became more out there and more 'who cares' attitude. Not in a mean way but in my own way. Like if I am fat 'who cares' you don't like how I think 'who cares' that type of a way. Oddly enough that type of attitude got a lot of guys attention, who knew, none worked out but at least I was getting attention I never before had. I had lots of fun with my new way of being, meaning I went out a lot, no thinking naughty now!!! I started seeing two guys and they were so sweet to me but nothing more then that we would go out and with the other we would have long conversations. So I gotta say I had my time, where I felt like a special girl. I get bugged a lot by older family members asking me when I am getting married or IF I am dating or why I am not married yet. I am 35 years old and for my culture I should have been married a long time ago, but I am not. I think does a woman really need a man to be happy? NO! I maybe older then the marring age but was never that type of girl to be dreaming of a wedding day. I never imagined my wedding day like so many other normal girls, I would imagine what I would look like on stage, or what I would say on an interview. I guess that just means I was meant to be a strong, independent, woman. No man is needed to be happy, just happiness in yourself. So as long as you LOVE yourself no matter what you look like or do then that's what you should always see. Love can be anything you want it to be. It can come in any shape, it can be any person, some find love without looking and others find love in the oddest places. So before you say love make sure and mean it sometimes its better to show it then just say it.

I have a dream....

Its seems that I have had a lot to deal with this year well since 2010 it all started. This year I made the choice to leave my job, the tendinitis and carpal tunnel got to be too much for me. The pain I would get was excruciating at work I would take a lot more pain medication then I wanted to take. By the time I would get home my fingers were so swollen they couldn't move. Now that I am not working I feel better, I ma still in pain but since I am home I chose when or how much work I do. Therefor this blog is my form of therapy granted I may type at times with only one finger but I am trying. I also use this as way to stay busy and keep my mind from going back down into a depression state. So far this new path in my life going well, I have a new doctor and I am getting the help I need. I have to admit I have been trying to find new things to do in life, I miss working. But I know I am doing the right thing for myself, I will let you in on a little secret. I have been doing a lot more writing then before I doing short stories, luckily I have a good imagination. Your probably wondering how I do this with my issues, the thing I figured is I go in my own pace so I write A little then rest sometimes when I force myself to write a lot I rest for a few days. Hence even on this blog notice I try to write everyday but I can not I need to rest or my nerves and tendons complain loudly and painfully. Don't get me wrong I still have my dream of singing but I have come to realize like I said before I am not no super model. If a chance comes up for me to sing or act or even do voice overs believe you me I will be there with big loud bells on. But for now I will be writing you never know if I ever get to finish a story maybe someone will like it and make a movie out of it. Still the whole thing about me writing this is to just tell you no matter what see the positive out come or better yet find another talent you have and explore it. Not every person has the same talent just different, just find a way to make it happen. As for me I will keep writing and keep imagining because I know someday it will all land in the right place.

Welcome

9/11 When the world wept....

               Where were you on 9/11 that memorable day when the nation was in complete and utter chaos? I can tell you were I was in the shower! I had woken up and was getting ready for class, when I remember seeing my grandmother looking worried as she was watching television so I went into her room and saw the news with her. I was in utter and complete shock, we were under attack, the world was under attack. I remember my heart sinking and my eyes welling up with tears, before I started to cry I rushed to my room and got dressed then called VCC. The college was not having classes, so I went to work with my dad, stayed there for a few hours then went back home I could not concentrate. I sat in front of the television almost all day after I got home, I sat there and cried. Then I started to worry about my family in the east, when I ask my grandmother if she tried to call she said she did all day and no answer. But she was calm like if she knew the family was all ok, and gladly they were, but the other people around were not. I could not help my self from watching the news. I remember thinking OMG I went to that building, was in that building, ... and now its gone!!
                I feel sorry for the ones that lost their lives yet also thankful for those who put there life in harms way to save those who can't. I am also glad that our country can stay together under such tough and sad circumstances. I truly hope we all have learned and kept in mind all that we have seen on that day. I hope that we also teach those who did not witness the horror, the rest of us felt. May God Bless all those who died and those who fought to help and protect those who could not.


      

Past Dreams...

                       I gotta admit I like movies about music and musicians, like Dream Girls, Double Platinum, Momma I wanna sing, Sparkle, even Glitter (which was kinda eeehhh ). Then I started thinking and got a revelation, all these women are beautiful, no wonder no one gave me a chance to become a singer!!! Well if you didn't know since I was a child I had wanted be a singer; I always looked up to singers such as Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Anita Baker, Etta James, Ella Fritzgerald, Diana Ross, and so forth. When I graduated High School my friend and I sang 'Count on Me' it became out class song. I remember telling myself  'if I can look up and sing to the audience the I am meant to be a true performer' and I DID. After that I started getting gigs at fairs and doing any and every talent show I could, I was determined. So I knew and therefore always imagine myself up on a stage performing, it was a dream that even as a child I had and I have to admit I still think about it. Its not like I didn't try or that I wasn't walking around singing like a fool. If you ask some of my school friends I would sing any chance I got. I remember as a kid my cousins would say 'you can't sing', 'you open your mouth to wide' 'your too ugly', 'your too fat', I did not listen I just kept going I would make up songs pretend I was on a stage and sing my little heart off. Between you and I; I still make up songs and sing them well they are more like  lullabies  now though. jaja Either way I started to think about it; I really had no chance what so ever of making it as a singer, not that I can't sing because I CAN, but because I am not thin, blonde, and well a barbie. I am a regular looking gal with a great voice, what people want is something good to look at. I had made a demo back when and I had sent it out to every address I could find that would or could give my CD a listen too, it even had 7 different songs from different genres. Still nothing, when finally I ended up talking to a guy that had walked into my store (my family business) for a watch battery none the less. haha He was a music producer form Nashville, I even looked him up to see if he was for real. So I had given him my CD and my number so he could tell me what he thought, the next day he called me said I had a great voice and he wanted to meet up and discuss options. So I told him ok, my mother and I went to go see him and we sat to have small meeting, he ended up telling me that as he said before I had a great voice and it could take me places the only exception was MY FACE! He told me I needed plastic surgery, my cheekbones done, my chin, done my nose, done my hair colored, I needed to get lighter and lose about 100 pounds. Lose weight ok go for it BUT I am not that ugly, my goodness he pretty much said I needed an over haul. The only thing he liked about me beside my voice was my eyes!! As you could imagine I said NO. About two other producers called me and again great voice, change your face!! I even met one of the guys from The McCoys (band from the 60's) in Laughlin once he actually heard me sing cus I was doing Karaoke, he even said straight out that I had a great voice BUT I would get no where because of my look he even apologized for telling me that I needed to look like Britney Spears. Yup!! You would think that with all this I would give up, but I did not give up I kept going, to be frank the only thing I heard all these people say was 'YOU HAVE A GREAT VOICE'. So I figure if people like Queen Latifah, Jill Scott, Missy Elliott, etc can make it then I could. So I kept going then got another chance I started working with someone that I had known for a long time.He didn't know I sang so he took my demo listen to it and decided to take me under his wing. He started helping me by exercising with me, gave me a plan.  I followed it to the tee in a one week I had lost 10 pounds after that I found that the exercise was the one that really helped me so I did a lot of walking and weights. I let my hair grow, we worked on a lot of lyrics, I worked my ass off, we had 3 songs written and done when his wife started making a fit about he and I working too much together. It was bull this guy was OLD his wife started acting that way after she found out my age she had thought I was a lot younger. The woman was nuts and completely insecure. So that was the end of that no more manager no more road to my dreams. After that I completely dedicated myself into raising my nephew and working but I still haven't forgotten my dream and my gift which is music.


   

Pets.....

           
                On December 16, 2011 my Uncle died, it was a shock since he really wasn't that sick. It was real hard at first. My mother was a wreck so I decided to help her and take the responsibility of getting the preparations done.  Sadly to say my job was not very helpful at that request, although I did have grievance pay they did not permit me to take it. After 5 years with this bank you would think that they would let me take my grievance for an Uncle that had been part of my life since I was born.  I ended up taking my sick leave for 4 days to get what I needed done, plus between you and I; I also made a few calls while at work. Heck the funeral home needed to call whenever they needed something or had a question, if any of you have been through this you know what I am talking about.Gotta say I'm glad I don't work there anymore with that and what happen with my hands AT work, just saying.  That was pretty difficult plus seeing my mother all sad and crying was just so over whelming that I have to admit I kept myself together for a good time. At least till after the funeral then one night I was just shaking uncontrollably, well as you can imagine I broke down. My Uncle was one of my mother's older siblings  and since we moved here to New Mexico she became closer to him and her sister (whom is also older). Now that it is almost 9 months later my mother and her sister are better especially my mother she talks about him and remembers him without tearing up now. We talk about him a lot especially now that his favorite holidays are just around the corner starting with Halloween. Uncle Adolf used to love to dress up as Dracula, he even had the accent and vocal patterns down pat. When I was a kid I remember thinking that the real Dracula would take over my Uncle, you see he only had one hand when he was a child he lost his other hand due to an accident. When Halloween would come he would magically have two hands, hence thinking that Dracula was real! His second favorite was Thanksgiving, my Uncle loved to eat and he was also very religious so to him it was time for giving thanks to God and spending time with family. Then there was Christmas, again he was very religious, Jesus's birth is a big deal with my family. Uncle Adolf used to always decorate for these three holidays but nothing more then Christmas, he has soooooo much stuff to decorate for Christmas that we may not be able to fit it all in our house. haha My dad came up with a good idea though for Halloween we are making a haunted area in our yard just for him in tribute. I think its a great idea, for Thanksgiving we may have visitors so that make take the edge off especially for my mom I know it will be hard, we have never had a Thanksgiving without my Uncle Adolf. (this makes even me sad)
                     Another thing is that I still have my Uncles two cats, I need to find them good homes. I found his dog a good home with my former manager. Now the cats he has two wonderful cats one short hair domestic and the other a long haired Himalayan. If anyone knows anyone that would want these cats let me know I would hate to see them go to a shelter where they would end up dead. I would keep them but I already have two cats and three dogs. Well thank you for letting me vent.
            

     

The woes of the day.....

 


                   So today I awoke with the worst headache and I pretty much felt like poo. After not really sleeping well because my whole right arm was hurting from shoulder to fingers and shaking. So when I woke a took a shower when I got out I was worse UGH.... I thought I was just getting allergies but now I think I am  catching a cold or flu. horrible but now I am feeling better so far still feeling congested but at least I am not throwing up right?  Other then that today was an ok day my wrist pain was minimal  I am trying to use it though I am getting real good  at using my left hand. Soon I will be able to say that I am ambidextrous! If you don't know what that means it means I can use both hands for mostly anything I can be a lefty and a righty.   teehee......
               So last Sunday we went to Acuma Pueblo with my family and my cousin whom came to visit. It was the second time I had gone and it was just as cool as the first time. This time when we went it was the festival of Saint Estephan, which meant 18 of the 19 tribes went to the pueblo. I have to say the HIKE up there was difficult but worst of all it was super steep! Last time I went with my boys school on the field trip, so we got a ride up the steep hill. When we got there this time we had to walk OH M GOODNESS I almost died!!... OK I didn't but I gotta admit I am sooooo outta shape, but the good news is that I made it and I am alive. haha I had fun though it was cool seeing all the Pueblo Indian dances and tasting all the food and seeing all the cool crafts. I have lived here 5 years and still have a lot to see and everything still surprises me, things are so much more different here then in California. I may LOVE my home state of California but I rather be here in New Mexico, its calmer and more out doorsey, its like the old western movies. Real cool I'm telling you sometimes I half expect John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Gene Autry, Billy the Kid, Doc Holiday, Wyatt Earp and his bothers make an appearance.
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Another day....

     
       
              It has been a while since I have written, a few things have happened. First I had to take a trip to see my grandmother she wanted me with her for a few days, sadly the computer there would turn on and off so I couldn't go online long enough to write and think at the same time. TEEHEE Well when I was there I got to visit with some relatives that I hadn't seen in forever. It was great getting to see them all. So by far it was a good trip.
              A few days after I got home my cousin came to visit me for my birthday and we had a great few days. I hadn't noticed how much me and this cousin had in common. But they hey I got to know her better and I have to admit we talked so much it was nuts. Well my birthday was great too my mom made dinner steak with rosemary seasoned baby potatoes and my dad's pica y quiero mas. Just believe me when I say it was the so yummy words can not describe. I could use the words of my nephew 'it was bomb diggity' of course he may have gotten the diggity from me .  hehe  
               Well to keep you in the loop about my hands when I was with my grandmother they hurts but I did pretty good holding on except for one day I couldn't I had to cry out but my uncle was there to help me by messaging the tendon it knotted like crazy. Although I did pretty well in trying not to take too much medidine.  In final I am alive and back home, sadly my hands still swell and have I told you that they are starting to shake? Its worrying me a lot it shakes on it own like Parkinsons or something, although a doctor that my family knows told me that it is normal with my injury to my nerves and tendons. But I still have to go to another doctor and I will so I will let you know what is happening. So now I am off  it took me all day to pretty much write this and I better finish before it takes me all night as well. Rock on people!!

At the time

 


        Since I have been out of work I have been doing alot more it seems. I hvae been despretly trying to get my wrist  and arms better, I have been helping at my nephews school and of course him with homework and stuff. I have been keeping busy It seems that I am more on the go now then before, which is good because then I am not home being depressed.
         When I first got hurt I was very depressed, I was really bad off I was so bad that I wouldn't leave my room nor my house. I would move from my bed to the couch and sit there. Don't get me wrong I would shower but I hated leaving the house especially if I had to have both my arm braces on. I felt like I looked like a mummy. I would be in sweats and sweatshirts all day everyday. Granted it was hard for me to even dress with my limbs so bad, hence sweats. But if anyone out there knows me I really dont like to be limited. So I got depressed!! My mom would force me out of the house for any reason just to get me out of my funk. Luckily I got out of it, now I just make myself do things nomatter if they take forever. I had to learn patience and calmness.
             My arms and wirst and hands may hurt and swell after I try and use them but at least I am tryin now and not just giving up. Although many tell me that I am too young and just need to suck it up,  believe me if it were that easy I WOULD!!! But it those people could feel it when my tendon spasms and the nerves tighten and hurt they wouldn't be able to handle it. But you know what I say to alll those people "Poooo on YOU" I maybe broken for now but I don't plan on forever, IF I am then I will keep dealing with; using my hands and staying positive. Keep it real till next time....

Life goes on...

          Today I woke up early the day was warm and I hadn't slept well. Like a had said before I have issues with my wrists and hands well last night was bad I was in a lot of pain my hands swollen and throbbing. I don't know if I can write much tonight but I can try. Well like I was saying all this bad stuff happen to me at work and even though I complained and complained when I finally got help from workman's comp it was too late and after a year they gave up and told me I was impermanently screwed, well they used the word disabled but heck same thing right? well I will have too write more tomorrow because tonight is no more good night....

LIfe's pains...

    
       What can I say this is the first blog I am writing so feel free to tell me what you think. I guess you will then find out all that's on my mind and believe you me it isn't all that fun... my mind is sooo cluttered!! So here goes....
       I have been out of work for a while now, I ended up leaving work due to an injury and work.  I think that its just unfair that I get hurt and have to stop working, now I can do a few thing that I couldn't before it just takes me longer and well I have to say its not fun yet I try and give all I can everyday. Although I have to say I really miss working and of course the pay check. 
      I gotta tell you, when I was first told that my tendon was messed up and my nerves were also shot on my hands worst on my right it was bad. Then when my right hand wasn't able to move for almost a year that's when I knew. That life was just not gonna be the same. I bet you are wondering how I am typing if I have tendinitis and nerve damage. Its not easy I'm telling ya but its called patience. I have been writing this on and off all day. Now its late and tomorrow you shall get a little more of what I have hidden in my little brain. How scary I'm sharing my thoughts!!! I guess its better then paying a therapist!!! Chat ya up later...