The elderly....

So my family and I took in my Aunt who soon will turn 80 years old. She has no kids nor family of her own, I don't mind her being with us at all. But it is difficult when she has a different attitude then we do. We are a close knit family we communicate and we do things as a family like eat dinner, play board games, watch movies go places, well you get the point. We are also a loving, caring and affectionate family. She on the other hand is not, granted she is OLD but wow she argues and picks fights with my 9 year old. Not all the time but for no reason or when she is bored. I wonder why elderly people are like this? She is pretty normal sometimes but then she shifts moods. I am just glad that my boy will try not to get bugged by her. At least I tell him to just let it go let her talk and throw her fits. But wow I told her, actually a few minutes ago that she needs to blame me for whatever she wants. She just looked at me and stayed quiet I think that she knows that I will answer her back. haha I know she is old and grumpy and she needs extra love and I have to admit I get frustrated sometimes. I am just glad she is not like that all the time most of the times she is a very good person and helpful as well. But when she is grumpy she is grumpy she kinda reminds me of that lady in the movie Marigold Hotel, If you seen it the grumpy lady in the wheel chair is similar to my aunt. She is just not like that all the time. Anyways I just wanted to get that off my chest and now I am fine thank you all I am off for the night. Don't forget to respect your elders no matter how grumpy or snarly they are.

Children Now a Days......

I was talking to my dad and he was telling me that he was talking to someone that was close to my age and that that person didn't know who John Wayne was. It started me thinking about kids now-a-days and not just kids young adult and even some people that are over 30yrs. I am not saying that they are uneducated, OK well sometimes yea they are but lets not talk about that path. I am talking about classics, why don't these people know where or who the classic actors and musicians are? I have been raising my nephew like he was my own and the I don't let him watch a lot of movies with violence or that a deem unacceptable. Granted I am a bit old school, but one thing I do pride myself in is for him to know where the base of a lot of music or movies come from. For example when he was younger I introduced him to classical music, Beethoven, Mozart, then each generation up. He knows who Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Nat King Cole, Santana, well I think you get the point.My nephew is 9 years old he knows who John Wayne is, Chuck Norris, Vincent Price, even Alfred Hitchcock. So my question to you is why don't parents teach their kids about the classics. People now just think of what is in now but do they know who started the terror in movies or who started the multi-media effects. Be honest do you know? You can ask my boy he knows, Vincent Price was the first to introduce terror, Orson Welles was the first to use the camera on a dolly to move it around and also used shadowing and angling. He was the one who started the who thing because of him we have such great movies now and great directors. I am not saying I know a lot about this stuff but I do know enough and what I know I am telling my boy. I just wish that other parents felt the same as I about teaching their kids about the classics of any subject. Either way I am proud of my boy and what he knows, since he was 5 yrs old he has played chess, he listens to any type of music especially the older and most of the times he loves it and most of all he give classic cinema a chance. I can easily bet that he is more openly cultured then any other 4rth grader there is.

I can't wait....

I was going to write some more about music and what I was thinking today, but I am in so much pain my whole right arm is just killing me. Its been going on for a few day, and right now I can't think of anything but this stupid arm. So forgive me for complaining, all I can think is I can't wait to go see my new doctor, this pain is ridiculous. I'm just glad my left hand and arm are working well so far....

Elvis, King of Rock and Roll

Everyone knows who Elvis Presley is, he is an icon performer better known as the King of Rock 'n' Roll. I am not to say that I am the leading specialist of Elvis but I do know a lot more than any number of people, especially on this particular icon. Elvis died August 16, 1977 approximately 2 weeks before I was born, since I was a child I had always wanted to sing and when I discovered Elvis it just made it seem more my destiny. Many know Elvis as a performer, a ladies man and of course for his issues of medicational drugs. But not any knew him as a person, I am not going to tell you that I knew him because obviously I did not. I know that Elvis sang from his heart and I know that every lyric that came out of his mouth he felt, and that is what made him a great performer. Some say he did not deserve to be admired and to all them I say BOOOOO, no one should be remembered by there mistakes but of what they did that was good for the world. I always felt a connection with Elvis mainly for his music because his music came from his heart, when I sang and had my shows I would always think of Elvis when I practiced. While I was memorizing the song I would imagine myself in the situation where the song lead. When I sang a torch song I would feel it so much so that I would feel my own heart breaking with every word I crooned. That I would do for all my performances, granted that I do not perform anymore I do miss it, and I know if I went back I would do it the same way. Elvis was talented as a young child and that is what set him aside form others. I have gotten into a few debates about Elvis, what no one seems to get is that he was a people person and the older and more famous he got the less he could go out and be normal. So just think about it if you were him wouldn't you be depressed and lonely? At the time of his death he was already divorced from Priscilla which meant Lisa Marie (his daughter and reason for being) were no longer a permanent figure at Graceland or be his side. I figure when he had his heart attack it was already broken and was on its way down. People insist that Elvis was a drug addict this I have to say is wrong he was on medicational drugs that a doctor would proscribe much like Micheal Jackson. He got addicted to these type of medications when he was in the army in 1958 he was giving uppers so he could stay awake and downers so he could sleep. I don't know if it was his superior that gave it to him or not but I know that his problem started then. Plus Elvis was religious he would pray and collect every form of religious cross or symbol, he would say that there was no way he wasn't getting into heaven, he was good at embracing all types of beliefs. I am not saying he was an angel but he was NO drug addict, he was a man that had a huge heart and was trust worthy. I have a lot to say about Elvis and I may not come across to you as subtle or gentle about the subject, but when I hear something that I know to be wrong about Elvis believe it when I speak. I have read so many books on him so many article I have so much information that in my another blog I shall reveal some more.

Love truth or.......

What is love? Does anyone know what it is? I am not talking about love of family or friends, I am talking true love, soul mate love. Does it exist? I truly thought it did! I found my love at least I thought I did, when I was 28/29 years old. I was living in Los Angeles at the time, I thought he was my soul mate but ended up being let's just say not so nice after a while. He still had that thing that every girl wishes for which is a person who could read your mind, know exactly what you want and what you think. He was that to me, until he got mean, I learned a lot from him and I owe him a lot of gratitude for making me stronger. I remember when we first got to know each other it was as if we were old friends. In my mind we were both old souls, I know some of you may think I am crazy but I always felt that in all my past lives we were always meant for each other but something always came between us, kinda like an old fashion tragedy. Yeah this may be a bit dramatic but it is how I felt and I am sure he felt the same. We used to have this thing that we wouldn't say 'I Love You' we would show it by the little things we did. He made me see how just saying love didn't mean what I thought it meant. It means more to show someone by little things, how you feel, the word love is just that a word until it becomes a meaning. He would make me feel so alive and connected to him. Part of me still cares for him and the other half is just eeeehh. I feel that I had my true and first love so now I really don't look for love or for a man. I know now that if I stay single that means nothing it just means I am strong the way I am. Don't get me wrong if I ever run into or find a suitable partner for me I will give him a chance if not I am not gonna die!! The one a call my true love is the one that made me the way I am today, I am strong, independent, not afraid to speak, and most importantly I have my own mind. Granted I had to go through HELL just to get my own courage, sometimes I am a bit too much but that's me so people just has to get used to it. After he had cheated on me,(and lied about it) I decided to change my way of being I became more out there and more 'who cares' attitude. Not in a mean way but in my own way. Like if I am fat 'who cares' you don't like how I think 'who cares' that type of a way. Oddly enough that type of attitude got a lot of guys attention, who knew, none worked out but at least I was getting attention I never before had. I had lots of fun with my new way of being, meaning I went out a lot, no thinking naughty now!!! I started seeing two guys and they were so sweet to me but nothing more then that we would go out and with the other we would have long conversations. So I gotta say I had my time, where I felt like a special girl. I get bugged a lot by older family members asking me when I am getting married or IF I am dating or why I am not married yet. I am 35 years old and for my culture I should have been married a long time ago, but I am not. I think does a woman really need a man to be happy? NO! I maybe older then the marring age but was never that type of girl to be dreaming of a wedding day. I never imagined my wedding day like so many other normal girls, I would imagine what I would look like on stage, or what I would say on an interview. I guess that just means I was meant to be a strong, independent, woman. No man is needed to be happy, just happiness in yourself. So as long as you LOVE yourself no matter what you look like or do then that's what you should always see. Love can be anything you want it to be. It can come in any shape, it can be any person, some find love without looking and others find love in the oddest places. So before you say love make sure and mean it sometimes its better to show it then just say it.

I have a dream....

Its seems that I have had a lot to deal with this year well since 2010 it all started. This year I made the choice to leave my job, the tendinitis and carpal tunnel got to be too much for me. The pain I would get was excruciating at work I would take a lot more pain medication then I wanted to take. By the time I would get home my fingers were so swollen they couldn't move. Now that I am not working I feel better, I ma still in pain but since I am home I chose when or how much work I do. Therefor this blog is my form of therapy granted I may type at times with only one finger but I am trying. I also use this as way to stay busy and keep my mind from going back down into a depression state. So far this new path in my life going well, I have a new doctor and I am getting the help I need. I have to admit I have been trying to find new things to do in life, I miss working. But I know I am doing the right thing for myself, I will let you in on a little secret. I have been doing a lot more writing then before I doing short stories, luckily I have a good imagination. Your probably wondering how I do this with my issues, the thing I figured is I go in my own pace so I write A little then rest sometimes when I force myself to write a lot I rest for a few days. Hence even on this blog notice I try to write everyday but I can not I need to rest or my nerves and tendons complain loudly and painfully. Don't get me wrong I still have my dream of singing but I have come to realize like I said before I am not no super model. If a chance comes up for me to sing or act or even do voice overs believe you me I will be there with big loud bells on. But for now I will be writing you never know if I ever get to finish a story maybe someone will like it and make a movie out of it. Still the whole thing about me writing this is to just tell you no matter what see the positive out come or better yet find another talent you have and explore it. Not every person has the same talent just different, just find a way to make it happen. As for me I will keep writing and keep imagining because I know someday it will all land in the right place.

Welcome

9/11 When the world wept....

               Where were you on 9/11 that memorable day when the nation was in complete and utter chaos? I can tell you were I was in the shower! I had woken up and was getting ready for class, when I remember seeing my grandmother looking worried as she was watching television so I went into her room and saw the news with her. I was in utter and complete shock, we were under attack, the world was under attack. I remember my heart sinking and my eyes welling up with tears, before I started to cry I rushed to my room and got dressed then called VCC. The college was not having classes, so I went to work with my dad, stayed there for a few hours then went back home I could not concentrate. I sat in front of the television almost all day after I got home, I sat there and cried. Then I started to worry about my family in the east, when I ask my grandmother if she tried to call she said she did all day and no answer. But she was calm like if she knew the family was all ok, and gladly they were, but the other people around were not. I could not help my self from watching the news. I remember thinking OMG I went to that building, was in that building, ... and now its gone!!
                I feel sorry for the ones that lost their lives yet also thankful for those who put there life in harms way to save those who can't. I am also glad that our country can stay together under such tough and sad circumstances. I truly hope we all have learned and kept in mind all that we have seen on that day. I hope that we also teach those who did not witness the horror, the rest of us felt. May God Bless all those who died and those who fought to help and protect those who could not.


      

Past Dreams...

                       I gotta admit I like movies about music and musicians, like Dream Girls, Double Platinum, Momma I wanna sing, Sparkle, even Glitter (which was kinda eeehhh ). Then I started thinking and got a revelation, all these women are beautiful, no wonder no one gave me a chance to become a singer!!! Well if you didn't know since I was a child I had wanted be a singer; I always looked up to singers such as Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Anita Baker, Etta James, Ella Fritzgerald, Diana Ross, and so forth. When I graduated High School my friend and I sang 'Count on Me' it became out class song. I remember telling myself  'if I can look up and sing to the audience the I am meant to be a true performer' and I DID. After that I started getting gigs at fairs and doing any and every talent show I could, I was determined. So I knew and therefore always imagine myself up on a stage performing, it was a dream that even as a child I had and I have to admit I still think about it. Its not like I didn't try or that I wasn't walking around singing like a fool. If you ask some of my school friends I would sing any chance I got. I remember as a kid my cousins would say 'you can't sing', 'you open your mouth to wide' 'your too ugly', 'your too fat', I did not listen I just kept going I would make up songs pretend I was on a stage and sing my little heart off. Between you and I; I still make up songs and sing them well they are more like  lullabies  now though. jaja Either way I started to think about it; I really had no chance what so ever of making it as a singer, not that I can't sing because I CAN, but because I am not thin, blonde, and well a barbie. I am a regular looking gal with a great voice, what people want is something good to look at. I had made a demo back when and I had sent it out to every address I could find that would or could give my CD a listen too, it even had 7 different songs from different genres. Still nothing, when finally I ended up talking to a guy that had walked into my store (my family business) for a watch battery none the less. haha He was a music producer form Nashville, I even looked him up to see if he was for real. So I had given him my CD and my number so he could tell me what he thought, the next day he called me said I had a great voice and he wanted to meet up and discuss options. So I told him ok, my mother and I went to go see him and we sat to have small meeting, he ended up telling me that as he said before I had a great voice and it could take me places the only exception was MY FACE! He told me I needed plastic surgery, my cheekbones done, my chin, done my nose, done my hair colored, I needed to get lighter and lose about 100 pounds. Lose weight ok go for it BUT I am not that ugly, my goodness he pretty much said I needed an over haul. The only thing he liked about me beside my voice was my eyes!! As you could imagine I said NO. About two other producers called me and again great voice, change your face!! I even met one of the guys from The McCoys (band from the 60's) in Laughlin once he actually heard me sing cus I was doing Karaoke, he even said straight out that I had a great voice BUT I would get no where because of my look he even apologized for telling me that I needed to look like Britney Spears. Yup!! You would think that with all this I would give up, but I did not give up I kept going, to be frank the only thing I heard all these people say was 'YOU HAVE A GREAT VOICE'. So I figure if people like Queen Latifah, Jill Scott, Missy Elliott, etc can make it then I could. So I kept going then got another chance I started working with someone that I had known for a long time.He didn't know I sang so he took my demo listen to it and decided to take me under his wing. He started helping me by exercising with me, gave me a plan.  I followed it to the tee in a one week I had lost 10 pounds after that I found that the exercise was the one that really helped me so I did a lot of walking and weights. I let my hair grow, we worked on a lot of lyrics, I worked my ass off, we had 3 songs written and done when his wife started making a fit about he and I working too much together. It was bull this guy was OLD his wife started acting that way after she found out my age she had thought I was a lot younger. The woman was nuts and completely insecure. So that was the end of that no more manager no more road to my dreams. After that I completely dedicated myself into raising my nephew and working but I still haven't forgotten my dream and my gift which is music.


   

Pets.....

           
                On December 16, 2011 my Uncle died, it was a shock since he really wasn't that sick. It was real hard at first. My mother was a wreck so I decided to help her and take the responsibility of getting the preparations done.  Sadly to say my job was not very helpful at that request, although I did have grievance pay they did not permit me to take it. After 5 years with this bank you would think that they would let me take my grievance for an Uncle that had been part of my life since I was born.  I ended up taking my sick leave for 4 days to get what I needed done, plus between you and I; I also made a few calls while at work. Heck the funeral home needed to call whenever they needed something or had a question, if any of you have been through this you know what I am talking about.Gotta say I'm glad I don't work there anymore with that and what happen with my hands AT work, just saying.  That was pretty difficult plus seeing my mother all sad and crying was just so over whelming that I have to admit I kept myself together for a good time. At least till after the funeral then one night I was just shaking uncontrollably, well as you can imagine I broke down. My Uncle was one of my mother's older siblings  and since we moved here to New Mexico she became closer to him and her sister (whom is also older). Now that it is almost 9 months later my mother and her sister are better especially my mother she talks about him and remembers him without tearing up now. We talk about him a lot especially now that his favorite holidays are just around the corner starting with Halloween. Uncle Adolf used to love to dress up as Dracula, he even had the accent and vocal patterns down pat. When I was a kid I remember thinking that the real Dracula would take over my Uncle, you see he only had one hand when he was a child he lost his other hand due to an accident. When Halloween would come he would magically have two hands, hence thinking that Dracula was real! His second favorite was Thanksgiving, my Uncle loved to eat and he was also very religious so to him it was time for giving thanks to God and spending time with family. Then there was Christmas, again he was very religious, Jesus's birth is a big deal with my family. Uncle Adolf used to always decorate for these three holidays but nothing more then Christmas, he has soooooo much stuff to decorate for Christmas that we may not be able to fit it all in our house. haha My dad came up with a good idea though for Halloween we are making a haunted area in our yard just for him in tribute. I think its a great idea, for Thanksgiving we may have visitors so that make take the edge off especially for my mom I know it will be hard, we have never had a Thanksgiving without my Uncle Adolf. (this makes even me sad)
                     Another thing is that I still have my Uncles two cats, I need to find them good homes. I found his dog a good home with my former manager. Now the cats he has two wonderful cats one short hair domestic and the other a long haired Himalayan. If anyone knows anyone that would want these cats let me know I would hate to see them go to a shelter where they would end up dead. I would keep them but I already have two cats and three dogs. Well thank you for letting me vent.
            

     

The woes of the day.....

 


                   So today I awoke with the worst headache and I pretty much felt like poo. After not really sleeping well because my whole right arm was hurting from shoulder to fingers and shaking. So when I woke a took a shower when I got out I was worse UGH.... I thought I was just getting allergies but now I think I am  catching a cold or flu. horrible but now I am feeling better so far still feeling congested but at least I am not throwing up right?  Other then that today was an ok day my wrist pain was minimal  I am trying to use it though I am getting real good  at using my left hand. Soon I will be able to say that I am ambidextrous! If you don't know what that means it means I can use both hands for mostly anything I can be a lefty and a righty.   teehee......
               So last Sunday we went to Acuma Pueblo with my family and my cousin whom came to visit. It was the second time I had gone and it was just as cool as the first time. This time when we went it was the festival of Saint Estephan, which meant 18 of the 19 tribes went to the pueblo. I have to say the HIKE up there was difficult but worst of all it was super steep! Last time I went with my boys school on the field trip, so we got a ride up the steep hill. When we got there this time we had to walk OH M GOODNESS I almost died!!... OK I didn't but I gotta admit I am sooooo outta shape, but the good news is that I made it and I am alive. haha I had fun though it was cool seeing all the Pueblo Indian dances and tasting all the food and seeing all the cool crafts. I have lived here 5 years and still have a lot to see and everything still surprises me, things are so much more different here then in California. I may LOVE my home state of California but I rather be here in New Mexico, its calmer and more out doorsey, its like the old western movies. Real cool I'm telling you sometimes I half expect John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Gene Autry, Billy the Kid, Doc Holiday, Wyatt Earp and his bothers make an appearance.
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Another day....

     
       
              It has been a while since I have written, a few things have happened. First I had to take a trip to see my grandmother she wanted me with her for a few days, sadly the computer there would turn on and off so I couldn't go online long enough to write and think at the same time. TEEHEE Well when I was there I got to visit with some relatives that I hadn't seen in forever. It was great getting to see them all. So by far it was a good trip.
              A few days after I got home my cousin came to visit me for my birthday and we had a great few days. I hadn't noticed how much me and this cousin had in common. But they hey I got to know her better and I have to admit we talked so much it was nuts. Well my birthday was great too my mom made dinner steak with rosemary seasoned baby potatoes and my dad's pica y quiero mas. Just believe me when I say it was the so yummy words can not describe. I could use the words of my nephew 'it was bomb diggity' of course he may have gotten the diggity from me .  hehe  
               Well to keep you in the loop about my hands when I was with my grandmother they hurts but I did pretty good holding on except for one day I couldn't I had to cry out but my uncle was there to help me by messaging the tendon it knotted like crazy. Although I did pretty well in trying not to take too much medidine.  In final I am alive and back home, sadly my hands still swell and have I told you that they are starting to shake? Its worrying me a lot it shakes on it own like Parkinsons or something, although a doctor that my family knows told me that it is normal with my injury to my nerves and tendons. But I still have to go to another doctor and I will so I will let you know what is happening. So now I am off  it took me all day to pretty much write this and I better finish before it takes me all night as well. Rock on people!!